I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
