we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
