non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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