You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
