What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
