ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
