At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
