"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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