Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
