I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize