Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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