she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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