first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
