You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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