I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
