I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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