I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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