So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
