i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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