Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
