i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
worst night to have a conscience
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
