Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have already put on my inside pants.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
