get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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