I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
