these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
