five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
