3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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