Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
