He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
