the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
