ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
