maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
