he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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