you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
