Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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