He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
