i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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