It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
