she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
