you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
