Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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