You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
