Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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