i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
