Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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