My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
