Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
