He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
