There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
