it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
