I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I have tasted many bathrooms
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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