Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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