My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
